What do you see when someone is having a difficult moment?
A behavior? A problem? Something that needs to be stopped?
At True North Living, we want to ask a different question:
“What is happening for this person?”
That doesn’t mean we ignore behavior.
It doesn’t mean there are no boundaries.
And it certainly doesn’t mean safety isn’t important.
It means that before we decide how to respond, we want to understand.
Behavior is communication. Not all communication happens through words.
People communicate through facial expressions, body language, movement, changes in routine, withdrawal, increased activity and countless other ways.
For some people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, communicating distress may be particularly difficult.
A person may not be able to say: “The room is too loud.”
They may not be able to explain:“I’m overwhelmed and I need some space.”
They may not have the words to tell us: “Something hurts.”
Or: “I don’t understand what you’re asking me to do.”
Or simply: “I need help.”
But that doesn’t mean they aren’t communicating.
Sometimes their behavior is the message.
Our job is to learn how to listen.
The same behavior can have very different causes.
Imagine someone suddenly refuses to leave their bedroom.
Is it defiance? Maybe.
But maybe they’re exhausted.
Maybe they didn’t sleep well.
Maybe something changed in their routine.
Maybe they’re anxious.
Maybe the environment is overwhelming.
Maybe they’re experiencing pain.
Maybe they don’t understand what is expected of them.
Maybe they simply don’t want to go.
Those possibilities require very different responses.
If we automatically label the person as “noncompliant,” we may stop looking for the reason.
At True North, we want staff to remain curious.
What changed? What happened immediately before this?
What is this person trying to communicate?
What might they need right now?
We don’t want to mistake quiet for well.
A person sitting quietly in a chair may appear to be doing perfectly fine.
But quiet doesn’t always mean comfortable. Compliance doesn’t always mean understanding.
And the absence of a behavior doesn’t necessarily mean the underlying problem has been solved.
A person can be overwhelmed and completely silent.
A person can be frightened and appear cooperative.
A person can be struggling without creating any disruption at all.
That’s why knowing the individual’s baseline is so important.
Staff should know what “normal” looks like for that person.
When something changes, the change itself can be important information.
Sometimes the first question should be medical.
Behavioral changes don’t automatically mean there’s a behavioral problem.
Pain, illness, medication effects, constipation, sleep problems, hormonal changes and other physical issues can affect how a person feels and behaves.
A person who cannot clearly communicate physical discomfort may communicate it through behavior instead.
That’s why we don’t want staff trained to simply react to what they see.
We want them trained to observe, document and report.
What happened? When did it happen?
What was happening beforehand? What did the person do?
How long did it last? What helped? What made it worse?
Was there anything physically different about the person?
Patterns can tell us things that a single incident cannot.
Sensory needs matter, too.
For some individuals, ordinary things can become overwhelming.
Bright lights. Loud televisions. Multiple conversations.
Crowded rooms. Certain textures. Strong smells.
Unexpected touch. Changes in routine.
Even seemingly small things can add up.
Imagine spending an entire day with your nervous system receiving information at a volume you can’t turn down.
Eventually, something has to give.
The answer isn’t necessarily:
“How do we make this person tolerate more?”
Sometimes the better question is:
“What can we change about the environment?”
Prevention is better than crisis.
One of the most valuable things staff can learn is to recognize the early signs that someone is becoming overwhelmed.
Maybe they become quieter. Maybe they start pacing.
Maybe they repeat a particular phrase. Maybe they withdraw.
Maybe their movements change. Maybe they begin seeking sensory input.
Those early signs are opportunities.
If we recognize them early enough, we may be able to make a simple adjustment before the situation becomes a crisis.
Lower the noise. Reduce demands. Offer a break.
Change the environment. Give the person time.
Use a familiar calming strategy. Or simply stop talking for a moment.
Sometimes less is more.
We don’t believe in punishment as a substitute for understanding.
People make mistakes.
People have difficult days.
People become frustrated.
People lose their patience.
People become overwhelmed.
People with disabilities are still people.
They deserve reasonable expectations, appropriate boundaries and accountability—but they also deserve dignity.
Our goal isn’t to create a household where everyone behaves perfectly.
Honestly, that wouldn’t be a very realistic household.
Our goal is to create a household where people are supported in learning how to manage challenges successfully.
Safety will always matter.
Understanding behavior doesn’t mean allowing someone to hurt themselves or someone else.
There may be times when immediate safety has to take priority.
There may be emergency situations.
There may be situations that require professional intervention and an individualized behavioral support plan.
Those situations need to be handled according to the person’s plan, applicable regulations and appropriate professional guidance.
Staff should never improvise restrictive interventions simply because they believe something “might work.”
Safety and dignity are not competing goals.
We should always be looking for ways to protect both.
The person comes first.
A diagnosis tells us something about a person.
It doesn’t tell us everything about them.
Two people can have the same diagnosis and have completely different personalities, abilities, communication styles, sensory needs and preferences.
That’s why True North Living doesn’t want to build support around labels.
We want to build support around people.
Before someone moves into a True North home, we want to learn who they are.
Their strengths.
Their abilities.
Their communication.
Their preferences.
Their routines.
Their triggers.
Their early warning signs.
Their calming strategies.
Their goals.
Their dreams.
And yes—the things they struggle with.
Because we can’t support someone effectively if we only know what they do when things go wrong.
We need to know who they are when things are going right, too.
Don’t ask only, “How do we stop the behavior?”
Ask:
“What is the person telling us?”
“What changed?”
“What do they need?”
“What can we change?”
“How can we help them be successful next time?”
Those questions don’t make us permissive.
They make us thoughtful.
And that’s the kind of support we want to provide at True North Living.
Because behind every behavior is a person.
And that person deserves to be understood.
Leave a comment